Katharina Schmidt - Forbes Councils Member
Communication is a two-way responsibility. It is about sending and receiving information. Most organizations have communication issues. In people engagement surveys, I often see communication listed as an area for improvement. My first reaction, when hearing about these struggles, is usually to ask for clarification: "What do you mean when you say communication? What do you miss in the current communication? Ideally, what does communication look like? What are examples of when communication was excellent?" Then, based on the idea that communication is a two-way responsibility, I follow up with, "What have you done to create better communication?"
There are many examples of the complex nature of communication in human relationships, not only in professional contexts but also in personal relationships. The objective of effective communication is to ensure that a message is understood by two parties. Information flows back and forth and ideally influences the perspective of the giver and receiver. One of the causes for the challenging nature of communication between individuals is that, neurologically, we translate messages differently. It is important to be aware of this given.
Mindset: My version of the truth is not the only version.
The big mindset shift comes when we acknowledge that we all have cognitive biases. My perception of reality is influenced heavily by my values, needs, experiences, etc. My perception of reality is, by nature, biased, and I need to be open to the possibility that someone else has a different perspective of reality. The more we are able to communicate with this mindset, the more effective our communication can become.
This bias leads us to overestimate how other people perceive our thoughts and emotions, thinking they understand more than they actually do. One of the implications is that we need to be more explicit than we think. Many of the people I know shy away from this explicitness. Either because they do not want to impose or be too demanding, they do not want to hurt someone's feelings or they think it is condescending. Some people feel like their intelligence is insulted when someone is being very explicit. The bottom line is, if we want to make sure we understand each other, we need to be as explicit as we can.
It’s best to either communicate explicitly and write agreements down or give as much information as needed and maybe a little bit more. Here are the two questions, that can help foster more effective communication:
What does that look like to you?
This first question is for the situation in which someone shares an idea or insight and you don't yet understand and you need clarification on what the person means or how they will follow up. This question is suited for any situation in which there is no full clarity yet.
What have you heard me say?
This second question is for the situation in which you have explained something to someone and you need to check how clearly your message has been received.
Both questions aim to clarify someone else's thoughts: The first one creates a deeper understanding of someone else's original thoughts, and the second checks someone else's understanding of your own thoughts. They are in this order so as to follow Stephen Covey's adagio of "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
Both questions can be game-changers for one-on-one conversations and team meetings.
Dr. Katharina Schmidt PsyD (Inspiration & Discipline) is an executive coach, independent corporate sense-maker, and leadership researcher